Your grown child is spending money that he/she should be saving…making questionable career choices…or marrying the wrong person. Many parents think their best option is to say nothing when they disagree with their adult children’s choices.Adult children are, after all, adults who have a right to live their own lives.But it’s entirely different when, for some reason, you discover When you discover your parents strongly disapprove of your bf/gf, your first inclination will be to pull away from them and continue your dating relationship behind their back. Never secretly date someone your parents don’t want you to date.Having secrets and lies between you and your parents ruins trust and causes needless stress and drama which will affect your self-esteem, grades, and even your other friends.Here, on the off chance that she does, are five things, inspired by Zoe and Will, that you can do to ensure that your beloved daughter does not follow in Leah’s wake. Let him – and your daughter – know that nothing he does or says will ever change the way you feel. She’s a teenager, a slave to her hormones, incapable of making a decent decision. As long as she’s living under your roof, she will obey your rules. 1) The first time you lay eyes on the awful boyfriend, be rude and dismissive. You can tell by the way he dresses; you see it in his eyes; you’ve heard rumors. Once they realize you’re serious, they’ll end the relationship. 2) If, God forbid, he sticks around, criticize him at every possible turn. If he resents you enough, sooner or later he’ll resent your daughter too. Saying nothing increases the odds that your child will make poor decisions.It means that you must live with the knowledge that you did nothing to help. Before you confront your child, ask a friend or acquaintance whether your concerns are truly justified.
When she meets a sexy older guy, attracted to his independence, she begins to spread her wings. Make pointed remarks about his family, his friends, his clothes, the way he walks or talks or combs his hair. Sure, it will hurt when he dumps her, but you’ll be there to pick her up, comfort her. Under your disapproving eye, her resolve will evaporate. 5) Sorry, friend, you’ve got a serious problem on your hands. It’s in those dark times, when we’re down, that we appreciate the people who love us, the importance of family. She’ll do anything to return to your good graces – even if it means cutting loose the detestable boyfriend. When this mother spoke with a coworker who was also in her 20s, she learned that “body art” is extremely popular with today’s young adults—even among respectable, responsible women.Whomever you consult, make it clear that you are after honest input.Start the conversation with love by sharing how you love them unconditionally, as I discuss in my blog [click to tweet] Your child will shut down if you start by attacking their friend.Avoid making statements like, “John is always selfish and controlling with you,” even if you know it’s true.And it might not even protect your relationship with the child—adult children usually can deduce from their parents’ tone and body language that they are not happy with a choice even when their parents don’t say so. Select someone who has experience with the topic—your financial planner if it’s a money matter, perhaps…or a level-headed member of your child’s generation if you suspect that your concerns might stem from a generational divide.The secret to maintaining family harmony when you disagree with your adult child is to say something but say it in a way that minimizes ruffled feathers. Example: A mother was upset that her 20-something son was dating a woman who had several tattoos.Just because they are your parents and you don’t agree with them doesn’t make them dumb. Although far from perfect, they have years of experience and wisdom you don’t.This can allow them to see the character faults in your bf/gf a whole lot easier than you, especially if you’re blinded by the deep emotions you feel for your bf/gf. They have the advantage of perspective or big picturethey realize over 90% of high school dating ends up not working out.